


Dear William

by ExplosiveRanga



Series: The Faith Inherited Belongs to All and to All Sanctuary Shall be given [4]
Category: Sanctuary (TV)
Genre: Apologies, F/M, Feelings, I'm making it seem like Helen loves every man she meets, Letters, Love, thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-24
Updated: 2012-09-24
Packaged: 2017-11-14 22:51:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/520337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExplosiveRanga/pseuds/ExplosiveRanga
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Helen Magnus has lived longer than anyone deserves to. She's tired and is swimming in self-pity. One day, she knows, she will die, and in her mind, that day can't come any sooner. She writes letters to the ones she's loved, only to be opened on the occasion of her death, shall she go first.</p><p>She will never be able to apologise to her favourite protege` as much as she knows she should.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear William

Dear William,

When I recruited you four years ago, I never for you to be such an amazing friend, protégé and partner; I knew you had potential but I never fully grasped the extent of it until now. You are all I could have ever dreamt of and more and yet seeing you talk to those Abnormals, interact with them in a way that no one else can, all I can feel is guilt. I pulled you into this world with no warning and because of me; you can never again have the life you had before. Never can you live peacefully without knowing that anyone around you-the postman, the shop assistant, the woman on the street-could be an Abnormal. You can never have the perfect life that you crave with Abby and it is my guilt that keeps me up at night.

I never wanted to use you, Will; believe me, that has always been the furthest thing from my mind and yet here we are. You were right when you said that I distance myself from others; I have boundaries that even my closest friends can’t break through. Like a Genosepolis uses a hard, metal looking shell to intimidate its enemies, I use these walls so that no one can see the me inside that craves to be loved; to feel something. There have been so many times that I have wanted to show you the real me but I am always terrified that you won’t like what you see. I want to blame John for this, my inability to show others my true self but I know that he only helped to fuel the problem.

Growing up in Victorian times was difficult, though at the time I know no different. They believed that women should never hold the positions of authority that men took for granted and though my father had always encouraged me to break the boundaries of society; I knew that I had to leave myself some dignity and earn myself some respect in life, so I tried to fit in. Those times stole ones soul, their identity with all of the niggling in their ears that they should be perfect, be exactly what society dictated. For women, it was expected that they would stay at home, producing children and cleaning the house while their husbands were out earning wages. Even though I have lived for 243 years, I can never shake that which was burnt into my mind as a child; to smile, even when things are grave. Lock the real you away and be the person that everyone wants you to be.

I know that when I took you in, the only condition that you had was that I kept nothing from you and yet, despite my promises to do so, I didn’t keep my word. What you have to understand is that I desperately wanted to tell you everything but it was for your own good. If I had revealed my plans that I had for the Sanctuary to you and you went to work for SCUI, there was always a chance that they would find out and I couldn’t take that risk. It had nothing to do with my trusting you; I trust you with my entire being, just as I love you with my entire being. I have for a long time. You are the voice in my ear when I am about to do something irrational that brings me back to earth and no matter how risky it is, you are always there to make sure I don’t get carried away. In many ways, you remind me of Nigel. It's a shame the two of you never met; I think you would have liked each other.

Sometimes, despite how good you have been to me, I wish I never bought you into the Sanctuary because then, I wouldn’t have to deny to myself how much you mean to me. I wouldn’t know you as I do now, and I would never have to feel guilt for loving you when you deserve someone better.

With all my love,

Helen x


End file.
